Seriously, don't judge me. This made me laugh harder than I have in a very, very long time. If you don't agree with me after part 3, then I'll give you your money back.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Kiwi
Embunny's world has been crushed. She discovered an adorable YouTube video with her little sister over Spring break, entitled "Kiwi." (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdUUx5FdySs) Upon returning to school, she discussed the touching story of the kiwi bird that dreamed of flying with Oolong, Sammy, and Grass. Embunny heartstrings were pulled when she watched him, and she had visions of her and Kiwi one day being great friends.
Then Oolong told Embunny that Kiwi died.
Embunny's spirit is now crushed. She sobs uncontrollably whenever a certain fuzzy green fruit is mentioned, or flightless birds, or cliffs, or flying, or failing at life. Oolong turned up the volume on the video at the end, and made Embunny face the harsh reality of the last 5 seconds: a faint splatting sound.
Kiwi died believing in himself, and Embunny only hopes to be as noble and brave and cute as this precious bird.
Then Oolong told Embunny that Kiwi died.
Embunny's spirit is now crushed. She sobs uncontrollably whenever a certain fuzzy green fruit is mentioned, or flightless birds, or cliffs, or flying, or failing at life. Oolong turned up the volume on the video at the end, and made Embunny face the harsh reality of the last 5 seconds: a faint splatting sound.
Kiwi died believing in himself, and Embunny only hopes to be as noble and brave and cute as this precious bird.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Attention: Shocking News of the Moment!
I love Dora the Explorer as much as your average, well educated twenty year old half Filipino. This is why I was shocked and appalled at the bomb dropped on me in my Media Studies class earlier this week. Behold: my innocent Dora! Look what they've done to her!
<-------- Before
...and post puberty!!!!!!!!!
Reactions from my class upon seeing the image:
Girl 1: "No f****** way!"
Class nerd 1: "Just another way the corporate media interests are sexing up all content. Nothing is immune."
Disheartened Student 1: "My little sister is going to be so confused..."
Girl 2: "How do you say skank in Spanish?"
Boy in Corner: "She's hot!!!!"
While Nerd 1 has a valid point, I think there are other more important questions to consider. How, for instance, does tween Dora expect to use her magic backpack if it no longer goes with her outfit? What will she do? Will she get a magic talking handbag? Will it be the same? Can it hold her map the same way backpack can? HOW DO YOU SAY HANDBAG IN SPANISH? Will tween Dora teach me??? She is no longer properly dressed for her interactive, multilingual and educational adventures!
So ends the shocking moment of the week. Take it as you will.
<-------- Before
...and post puberty!!!!!!!!!Reactions from my class upon seeing the image:
Girl 1: "No f****** way!"
Class nerd 1: "Just another way the corporate media interests are sexing up all content. Nothing is immune."
Disheartened Student 1: "My little sister is going to be so confused..."
Girl 2: "How do you say skank in Spanish?"
Boy in Corner: "She's hot!!!!"
While Nerd 1 has a valid point, I think there are other more important questions to consider. How, for instance, does tween Dora expect to use her magic backpack if it no longer goes with her outfit? What will she do? Will she get a magic talking handbag? Will it be the same? Can it hold her map the same way backpack can? HOW DO YOU SAY HANDBAG IN SPANISH? Will tween Dora teach me??? She is no longer properly dressed for her interactive, multilingual and educational adventures!
So ends the shocking moment of the week. Take it as you will.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Summer Lovin'
This summer, we three shall be tragically split apart by miles. Though we shall be pursuing our own dreams and finding self-actualization away from one another, a fine pair of magical pants shall keep us together in spirit.
OK - there are no pants, but at least Chris Seale does have a pretty sweet scarf.
During the summer months, our own Sammy shall be channeling Marie Curie. She will master the lab like a piano forte and corrosion shall be the beautiful art she creates.
Grass shall be skipping around our nation's capital. Tasks include fetching coffee, ordering take-out, teaching old white men what "cookies" are, traslating FCC jibberish, hanging out with Big Bird, and cleaning the 'internets.'
Grass learned everything about the 'internets' from Oolong's lover, Ted Stevens. As an intern, Grass will most likely be stuck with the grunt work of cleaning the internets to make it run faster. In case you don't know what this looks like, see the picture below as a visual. Grass hopes to clean out as much as she can, but some of those tubes are long! Still, it must and shall be done.
Embunny will stay in lovely Charlottesville breathing in the pollen, holding old people's jackets, comforting overly attached parents, and secretly teaching the new first years how to chug. By the time fourth year comes around she will be an expert at get-to-know-you games, the COD, hiding car keys, streaking, and explaining what the hell ice milk is. All these skills are invaluable.
Last but not least, Oolong shall be playing alllllll summer on a farm.
By the end of the season, she will finally be able to identify all the animals by name. Then, perhaps, we can finish our musical lesson on "Old McDonald."
That's right, folks! No beaches for us! No vacations! No sun bathing! Just animals, internets, and rust please. This is how we like it.
Jealous much, punk?
OK - there are no pants, but at least Chris Seale does have a pretty sweet scarf.
During the summer months, our own Sammy shall be channeling Marie Curie. She will master the lab like a piano forte and corrosion shall be the beautiful art she creates.
Oh happy rust! May you bring Sammy her prosperous results and uplift her scientific spirit. A day without corrosion is no day at all! - It would be the false promise of shinny surfaces rather than the oh so beautiful reality of this blessed, comforting cycle of nature:
Grass shall be skipping around our nation's capital. Tasks include fetching coffee, ordering take-out, teaching old white men what "cookies" are, traslating FCC jibberish, hanging out with Big Bird, and cleaning the 'internets.'
Grass learned everything about the 'internets' from Oolong's lover, Ted Stevens. As an intern, Grass will most likely be stuck with the grunt work of cleaning the internets to make it run faster. In case you don't know what this looks like, see the picture below as a visual. Grass hopes to clean out as much as she can, but some of those tubes are long! Still, it must and shall be done.
Embunny will stay in lovely Charlottesville breathing in the pollen, holding old people's jackets, comforting overly attached parents, and secretly teaching the new first years how to chug. By the time fourth year comes around she will be an expert at get-to-know-you games, the COD, hiding car keys, streaking, and explaining what the hell ice milk is. All these skills are invaluable.
Last but not least, Oolong shall be playing alllllll summer on a farm.
By the end of the season, she will finally be able to identify all the animals by name. Then, perhaps, we can finish our musical lesson on "Old McDonald."That's right, folks! No beaches for us! No vacations! No sun bathing! Just animals, internets, and rust please. This is how we like it.
Jealous much, punk?
Real Embunny: Adventures in Blog Authenticity
Embunny has officially declared African-American Studies as her second major. As such, she is undergoing a rigorous study complimented by graduate level reading, disguised in the misleading class of 102. Embunny anticipated one-hundred levels to take her back to the glorious days of first year - napping, frequent trips to rent movies from Clemons rather than study in Clemons, contemplating life, easy A's and high hopes for her GPA.
False.
False.
Embunny now sits here, surrounded by aromatic candles to soothe her frazzled nerves, attempting to write a paper on what it means to really be black. Reference book of the week? This gem: Real Black: Adventures in Racial Sincerity.
Unfortunately, Embunny only knows what it is like to be real(ly) white. This book has provided her immeasurable knowledge however, informing her of the differences between racial authenticity and racial sincerity (oh yes, there is a large and sweeping divide). She also read an entire chapter dedicated to Mos Def and music. This was perhaps her favorite, inspiring Embunny to catch up on a lifetime's absence of quality rap music.
In response to this book, Embunny felt led to send her TA www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com. She hopes to receive extra credit, especially considering the legitimate bonding she experienced with said TA over #97 and #16.
In other news.... think about asking Sammy about this new mystery man in her life. When she isn't busy relaying for her life, Oolong rejoices at the sparse flowers emerging around Grounds, and is knitting them capes to fend off the nasty non-spring weather that arrived after the first day of spring. Grass has conquered the school at last - we knew you would : ) Chris Seal has ventured quite successfully into the sweater business.... more to come...
Keep it real (authentic) (sincere).
Unfortunately, Embunny only knows what it is like to be real(ly) white. This book has provided her immeasurable knowledge however, informing her of the differences between racial authenticity and racial sincerity (oh yes, there is a large and sweeping divide). She also read an entire chapter dedicated to Mos Def and music. This was perhaps her favorite, inspiring Embunny to catch up on a lifetime's absence of quality rap music.
In response to this book, Embunny felt led to send her TA www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com. She hopes to receive extra credit, especially considering the legitimate bonding she experienced with said TA over #97 and #16.
In other news.... think about asking Sammy about this new mystery man in her life. When she isn't busy relaying for her life, Oolong rejoices at the sparse flowers emerging around Grounds, and is knitting them capes to fend off the nasty non-spring weather that arrived after the first day of spring. Grass has conquered the school at last - we knew you would : ) Chris Seal has ventured quite successfully into the sweater business.... more to come...
Keep it real (authentic) (sincere).
Thursday, March 12, 2009
pork chops
{{{Oolong shares a story told to her by her Hormones professor...}}}
In a zoo in California, a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size, died shortly after birth.
The mother tiger, after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started to decline in health, although physically, she was fine. The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a depression. The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate another mother's cubs, perhaps she would improve.
After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to the mourning mother. The veterinarians decided to try something that had never been tried in a zoo environment. Sometimes a mother of one species will take on the care of a different species. The only 'orphans' that could be found quickly, were a litter of weanling pigs. The zoo keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the babies around the mother tiger. Would they become cubs...or pork chops?
In a zoo in California, a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size, died shortly after birth.
The mother tiger, after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started to decline in health, although physically, she was fine. The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a depression. The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate another mother's cubs, perhaps she would improve.
After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to the mourning mother. The veterinarians decided to try something that had never been tried in a zoo environment. Sometimes a mother of one species will take on the care of a different species. The only 'orphans' that could be found quickly, were a litter of weanling pigs. The zoo keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the babies around the mother tiger. Would they become cubs...or pork chops?
Sunday, February 22, 2009
FML
So the contributors of GPC United have been having a pretty crappy week, and as the morose one it was only fitting that my first post would be of this nature. So here's how our weeks have been going...FML style.
Embunny: I have a real bunny in my closet. FML
Sammy: My baroque oboe is broke, and I can't fix it. FML
Oolong: I went to the gym today and got dehydrated...I was too short to reach the handle of the water fountain. FML
Grass: I have to write three papers about Fanny Price this week. She's so f***ing boring! FML
Chris Seal: I woke up this morning. FML
Embunny: I have a real bunny in my closet. FML
Sammy: My baroque oboe is broke, and I can't fix it. FML
Oolong: I went to the gym today and got dehydrated...I was too short to reach the handle of the water fountain. FML
Grass: I have to write three papers about Fanny Price this week. She's so f***ing boring! FML
Chris Seal: I woke up this morning. FML
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