Baking is BACK - and it has a new voice.

Oolong and Grass have taken a rather clever (yet dark) twist on Embunny's Annual Christmas Cookie Bake...

apparently gingerbread men can now be certified organ donors. Nothing says happy holidays like a heart transplant.

After nearly catching her quaint abode on fire when some gingerbread fell on the heating element in her oven and burst into treacherous flames, Embunny recovered and created a gingerbread house masterpiece. She will now shamelessly plug her talents concerning baked goods, candy, icing, and an abundance of free time.

Holiday Cheer

Embunny has finally decided to make an appearance to the epic documentation that is Oolong, Sammy, and Grass. From the comfort of her home nest in the kitchen of 14000, she feels content and warm - partly from the fleece blanket she is currently enveloped in, partly from the glow of Monday night's gin binge that has still not left her poor body, and partly from... HOLIDAY CHEER.

Yes, friends, the time has come when Embunny is most happiest. Lights, Lucas (Embunny's faithful tree), tinsel... STOLEN BRANCHES FROM UVa?!!! It is true... Oolong has sneakishly smuggled festive pieces of Mr. Jefferson's Grounds into the beloved 112-34, and created a holiday masterpiece worthy of Southern Living. SL is Embunny's measure of success in this world, and thus this is a very generous compliment. Clearly, Sammy has found this foliage absolutely orgasmic in comparison to her normal asylum-esque cubby in the stacks of Clark. Oolong rejoices in the miracles of holiday joy. Embunny reminds everyone again of the infamous Fake Blizzard of '06 in the Lile 210s, and Christmas-Vom of '07 in their humble (very, VERY humble) Lambeth abode last year... Christmas holds a very special place in Embunny's heart, and she is compelled to share this with all those around. Oolong has found this same joy in carefully selected and arranged greenery. Biology is more than a major for Oolong - it is a lifestyle.

And what of Grass and Chris Seal? Their holiday joy has also been explosive, as seen in their respectively breathtaking viola and piano performances at Joy and Light. Embunny especially enjoyed the Jesus graphic in the program, which she mistook for a skunk upon first glance. After realizing her horrible mistake, Embunny repented (thank goodness she was already in a church) and later framed Jesus in her room for all to see and enjoy.

Embunny feels that she must pause at this point, and air her (very few) grievances of the holiday season.
(1) Why is it that they are forced to take horrid final exams on useless information before enjoying holiday cheer?? Embunny curses the administration of this fine University (minus Allen Groves, who always has his students' best interests at heart) for this Poor Life Decision (PLD). Holiday cheer is put off and ignored by the less faithful in place of living (and raving) in Clemons, aka The Point of No Return.
(2) Why did the mistletoe receive such sparse use this season? Oolong's lengthy efforts to make 112-34 into a kiss-friendly zone resulted in no exciting action within the actual 34. Extensive plans to set up Sammy with a "drink refill" rendezvous under the refridgerator mistletoe were dashed when the wrong prospects showed up, and the door mistletoe was met with a refusal to comply from Oolong's faithful companion. Embunny senses that mistletoe might have been placed somewhere else she was present, however...
(3) WHY HAS MOTHER NATURE CURSED OUR HOLIDAY SEASON? Embunny implores Sammy and Oolong to use their science skills to investigate this travesty, and requests that Grass infiltrate the local media and make a snow day happen. Until then, Embunny will continue to wear bunny slippers when she goes out at night, with no repercussions to her exposed toes.

Embunny finds these three grievances very small, however, and has decided to accept them and move on. She will still petition Allen Groves personally next year to have finals end earlier. She will also petition for more lights at Lighting of the Lawn (Embunny does not conserve energy because she does not believe in global warming - the earth is just giving her a great big warm hug right now). Embunny encourages everyone to embrace the holidays in every way possible for as long as possible. She has found that hanging ornaments in front of her library cubby and wearing jingle-bell socks spreads cheer to all around, especially when she jingles through the first floor of The Point of No Return. Merry Christmas to all (and Happy Hanukkah to a blessed few!) from Oolong, Sammy, Grass, Embunny, and Chris Seal!

SUCK ON THIS: Why the Twilight Series is utterly disappointing by GRASS

In a desperate attempt for entertainment, I picked up the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyers over Thanksgiving Break and proceeded to consume the content quite swiftly. I'll admit, the story is interesting and Meyers is creative. Still, after reading these books, I've become almost uncomfortable with what they've become. Maybe if they didn't have such a huge female following I wouldn't care, but the fact that so many people are going nuts over the "romance" has inspired me to lamely speak my peace. I've decided to list my qualms in an orderly fashion.

1. Who is Bella Swan? That's a good question! Don't ask Meyers, though because she doesn't know! In the Harry Potter series J.K. Rowling created a neutral lens character to focus perspective on - someone the reader could relate and project themselves onto and experience the story through. Meyers did the same for Bella. Oh wait, expect it didn't work and it SUCKED. Unlike Potter - an average boy with a strong sense of self who just happens to be thrust into a supernatural environment - Bella is a boring, flat, indifferent character thrust into a supernatural environment. Besides her consistent "anti-mainstream" attitude, there is little we can say about her. She doesn't take shape until Edward comes into the story. The only thing interesting about her is him and the new twist he puts on her life. The only back story we know about her involves her parents. This lack of personality is startling, especially when you consider the annoying amount of time that Meyers invests in Bella's "self reflection" in the text. Literally, after and before something major happens in the plot she dreams about it/thinks about it/talks it to death. You'd think that after that you might be able to say something interesting about the girl, right? False. Just try. Try and say something interesting about Bella Swan without talking about werewolves and vampaires. You can't.

2. Bella Swan's entire existence and self worth is defined by men. Now, I wouldn't call myself a feminist or anything, but this was a consistent theme that made me want to rip my hair out while I read these books. As mentioned before, she isn't interesting until Edward comes. When he leaves, she warps into a dull, emo chick who can only function after finding another boy (Jacob Black) and feed off of his happiness. Her story is a reaction to Edward and Jacob's Tug of War. She is indecisive, inconsistent, and a poor example for an independent females.

3. This book advocates idolatry, not true love. The fact that she deems her life worthless without him is very troubling. In the book she defines her personal hell as an existence without Edward. Sweetie, the real defiition of hell is an existence without God. This kind of love is plain unhealthy and shouldn't be mimicked on any level. I'm not even just speaking from a religious perspective (don't get me started), but love should complete someone. It shouldn't destroy someone. It shouldn't force someone to change, become dependent, or loose the little that makes them, well...them.

4. The people who "edited" this book should be shot...no I take that back. They should be banished to an island and be forced to read these books over and over and over again, running their tired eyes over every unnecessary word and scene that they allowed between the worthless binding. This stupid novel is so frggin redundant. I can't tell you how many times I had to put it down during one of Bella's personal rants of indecision or overly literal dreams that she surprisingly couldn't figure out (grrrrrrr!). Seriously??? It was absolutely intolerable during some parts. The plot structure was uneven, the action was poorly dispersed, and with a few exceptions the characters didn't develop. Each book could've been condensed into much shorter works. Let's save some trees, people! Please!

5. It's just plain scary that people are actually holding the contents and characters of these books up as ideals of some sort. If any teenage girls are reading this (unlikely), please please please understand: you DO NOT want to be like Bella Swan. You don't want to be a girl who gives up her sense of self, her family, her friends, and her very humanity to be with a boy. I don't care how hot he is. I personally believe that the only way this story could've worked for me is if they parted ways or Bella held on to her humanity while Edward stayed by her side. Aside from the bad writing and other flaws, that's the only way the story could've displayed the true nature of love. Honestly, the ending (sorry if I gave it away) only advocates unhealthy selflessness. Again, this is idolotary and not LOVE. It's unhealthy! Unhealthy, I say!

Sorry for being such a crazy downer, but I had to let it out. Honeslty, these books were fanscinating and I'm not sorry I read them. It gave me some thought provoking material to work with - just probably not in the way intended. It made me an unexpected, yet needed does of reality. If you insist on reading Twilight saga, do it as an educational experience in critical thought OR simply for guilty pleasure. That's fine. Please, just don't raise it to the level of honorable romance. I might cry!